i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
