proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
