we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
