I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
