As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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