its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
