She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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