I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
