So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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