He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
