More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
