Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
