we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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