I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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