Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
