Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
