I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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