I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
