East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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