My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
