I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
