Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She needs sedatives and a leash
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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