i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
