I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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