My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
