Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
