matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
