Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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