gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
