I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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