My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
