I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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