CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
