Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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