it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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