I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
