I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
