This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
