he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
