Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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