i barfeds in our rink
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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