nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
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