I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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