Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
