U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do herpes really smell.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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