if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
