Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
