my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
