watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
