my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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