I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
