I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just had sex bonerless
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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