Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
